Ashton

Wow! Ashton you are turning 15 tomorrow. I remember when you promised me you would be 5 forever. "Really Daddy I will always be your 5 YEARS old". Well, you are no longer 5 but you still have the same smile that you had then and you still light up my day, everyday. No matter how bad my day has been, when I come home you always come running, smiling and telling me you love me. Really lets me know that everything is going to be ok.

We have a big date tomorrow night and I will do my best to explain to you the importance of Commitment. Being committed to God first and foremost. While planning this, I started thinking about your story and why I think God has BIG plans for you....not far into your life Mom began to have complications. Seems you were really anxious to enter the world. 26 weeks into your life, your Mom and I were at anniversary services for Pastor & Mrs. McClain. Your Mom sang a beautiful song in the service and in the middle of serving family and friends I was told that something happened to your Mom. We rushed to the emergency room and they immediately began trying to persuade you to refrain from being born. I overheard a phone conversation when the nurse told the doctor that she did not think she could stop the birth and she was afraid that the doctor would not make it in time. Scared. Due to the incredible work of the doctor and staff, you were convinced to wait a little bit before changing our world.

I remember watching your Mom over the next three weeks. She was on complete bed-rest because the doctor had told us you could not come into this world until your lungs had a chance to develop more. They gave your Mother a shot every week that took 5 minutes to complete. The entire time they were administering the shot she had to remain completely still. I remember tears rolling down her face because of the pain, but she never moved. This shot was to help develop your lungs faster so you could make your World Premiere. The shot also made you Mother very hot and everyone who came to visit wore a jacket because her room was freezing.

After a couple weeks, we made the decision that I should start staying at home more because Amanda was young and did not understand why her parents were not with her. One night your mom called me numerous times saying that the baby was about to be born. Based on data coming from the contraction monitor, her fears seemed unfounded. At shift change the nurse completed an examination only to learn that mom was indeed about to give birth. I remember the phone call very clearly, "Kevin, Julie is about to have the baby and we will not be able to stop it this time, please Hurry".

After leaving Amanda with Mamaw & Pawpaw and rushing to Labor & Delivery, I immediately ask about you and your mom. The nurse just handed me a set of scrubs and explained that she could not tell me anything. I went into a dark cold room to change clothes and I remember feeling more alone than I have ever felt in my life. After changing, I was escorted down a long dark hallway that was very quiet. Escorted from the serenity of this hallway thru a door and into controlled chaos. You had indeed made your first premiere. There were nurses and doctors running everywhere and in the middle of the room there was an operating table with Mom laying on it. I went to her to make sure she was okay and she directed my attention to the corner of the room where my new little Ashie was being attended by numerous Medical personnel. I walked over and looked at my new darling and I immediately begin to think about how I would tell Julie that our new baby did not live. You were so tiny and almost transparent looking. I could see your veins and you were INCREDIBLY small (two pounds). Miraculously, you made it into the stage 3 neonatal unit. This is where you began to receive your pampered treatment. Your bed and 24 hr. nurse cost over $750 per day! You were under a sunlamp and covered by a special wrap. Youngest customer ever to attend day spa!

At first report, the doctor began to explain that you would have head bleeds (born natural and breech) and they could be very dangerous. The doctor explained that these head bleeds could cause Cerebral Palsy and it would be two weeks before we knew about the severity of them. There were wires and tubes everywhere. Your little hands were so small that they could not put a needle into them. You IV had to be inserted into your foot. Your life was hanging in the balance and your Mom and I learned what it meant to be really really scared.

During this time, Pastor McClain had our entire church praying. All our family and friends everywhere were praying. As this premiere continued, we began to feel a peace like I have never known before or since. I think this was God's way of telling your Mom and I not to worry, He had BIG plans for you.

Everyday we would go to the hospital and observe you as you received the Royal Treatment. You were indeed a celebrity. One day the doctor called before we arrived at the hospital and asked us to come immediately. There had been a problem. We soon learned that the vein carrying your medication had ruptured and caused a burn behind your knee, from the inside out. Plastic surgery on a baby doll requires incredible skill and God directed the surgeon to repair you good as new. You have a scar on the back of your leg. Another reminder that God has His hand on you and He has BIG plans for you.

On the day you were born, we noticed a smudge on your shoulder. We thought it was dried blood that the nurse had failed to clean. To our amazement, we learned all about hemangioma. Turns out this "dried blood" was hemangioma that continued to grow. We learned that you have hemangioma in your liver. As you grow they become evident in a number of areas on your body. The doctor had some concern about the ones located in your liver so you had extensive testing and they decided that these would be okay if we watched them.

The day we brought you home from the hospital we were so happy! You were very very little and it took you a couple years to catch up to cousin Kasey. The doctor told us to be prepared for an independent young lady. He said that they place a baby on it's Mothers chest immediately after birth so the baby will feel the heartbeat and know Mom is still there. You were not able to experience that. You had to fight on your own and therefore would be very independent and maybe even a little bit of a loner. I am with him on the independent, you would not let us do anything for you as a child, but the loner tag doesn't really apply although you do enjoy your quite time. As you grew, there have been numerous trips to the hospital. One time you were so sick that you were placed in a tent. Again, you could not have a normal visit to the hospital, it had to be a camping trip....

Tubes were installed, Tonsils were removed, hemangioma were removed and eventually a broken leg. Trying to get a cookie, you twist violently and slide off the counter. The doctor puts a cast on that goes to your hip. He explains that the high cast is necessary so that you will not be able to walk. Your Mom and I explain that he does not know you! He says trust me I know what I am doing.....that afternoon you were RUNNING on the cast. Like WE said, he did not know you. After that, you go running to the door to tell Mommy bye, hit the corner and immediately get stitches in you forehead. See, all these things happening to you and you are still alive. I told you God has big plans for you!

Teeth are coming in and to our surprise they are missing an essential element...ENAMEL. Trip after trip to the dentist for special treatment on the toothage. Talk about pampered princess! The missing enamel is the only result of all the morphine that you received as a baby. God is good! When your adult teeth came in, they were fine.

I remember laying in bed at night and waiting on you to come in. You would walk up to the bed in you "shorts like daddy's" and t-shirt. You would tell me to close my eyes and then you would take off your t-shirt (it was ok to see you w/o shirt but not okay to watch you undress). You wanted to look like daddy! You would then crawl in bed beside me so we could snuggle-up. The only one of my girls that really likes to snuggle. I loved those moments! They passed way to quickly and they do not come often enough now.

Remember you starring in a fashion show as a little girl (well I thought you were the star) and being scared. We developed our little sign to let you know all would be ok. Thumbs up and a wink! It is still going to be ok, Daddy will always be there.

As you started school, a hearing problem was discovered. Instead of making this an excuse for you, we went to all your teachers and explained your situation. We asked them to set you in front of the room (more preferential treatment for the princess) so you would be able to hear. We asked them to be sure you were looking at them when they spoke to you. We also asked them to never tell you that there was a problem. We knew you could overcome because we had witnessed your ability to overcome your entire life. When you were 12 the doctor finally felt like your ear insides had matured enough that he could perform surgery and repair the problem. Your Mom and I searched for the best possible doctor. After finding him, we visited him a number of times to be sure. He told us about the chance that you could never hear out of that ear again. We prayed and experienced fear all over again. I remember the doctor coming into recovery after the surgery and tapping on the large cone they had placed on your ear. As he tapped, he asked if you could hear it? You said yes! The doctor turned to us and said "it was successful. There is no way she would have heard that before". God is so good.

You, Amanda and I will always share a special Colorado story! "beeeeeppppp ......................."

Our dates are so much fun. You obviously are not my "5 years old" anymore but you are and will always be Daddy's little bitty. As I watch you grow into a young lady and I see your personality develop, I continue to be thankful that you are kind, considerate, compassionate and loving. I love our "life lesson" talks. You have stretched me and enriched me in ways that you will never know. We still have many trails to traverse and paths to follow. I look forward to each. I will always be committed to stand beside you. No matter what happens, we will face it together!!! I am so proud of the lady you are becoming. Remember our conversation tomorrow night and stay committed to God, yourself and your family. Most of all, Dance!